No judgement

I'm back.

The majority of experiences I'd like to write about concern people who (I'm pretty positive don't read this but) may (one day, somehow) stumble upon this blog. That's all I'll say about that.

So, sometimes I have to be vague - not because I'm saying anything bad or offensive. But, because I form my opinions and make choices that may not agree with what happened in the experience I had. Make sense? I just don't want someone who I may not know as well to ever think I'm awful. That's basically it. 

So, I'll just start by saying-

Lately, Austin and I have been finding our "groove," you know? Like, this (blank) is really working. Maybe it's our budget, meals we've been trying, the fact that I don't hate everything our dog does anymore, etc. It's pretty fun to have a life different from anyone else and feel like you've come up with it all on your own.

Is this news to anyone else? No?

I think we tried too hard to fit into some mold. I don't know where the handbook on "marriage" can be found. I don't know the "right" way to budget or decorate our house or plan a vacation. I've never known what's best for me or us because I've never done those things... Like, honestly. nnnever really budgeted. Who RAISED me?! Jk. Mom, Dad, I know you tried. Ma'bad.

So- anyway. I don't know what this mold is - or what it's meant to do. But, I'm finding ours. It's stinkin' sweeeet! I mean, we totally mess up and forget to clean our house for a week... or don't buy actual "food" at the grocery store. Have a gym membership and don't go? Guilty! Watch 3+ episodes of the same TV show in one day... in the same sitting... without even pausing to go switch the laundry over? mhmm. Right here.

Sue me. I'm happy! We're getting by. We're enjoying life and I finally feel like we're getting more out of it. I mean, we're totally improving! Maybe not at the rate society would expect (whatever that's really worth). But, I love our life. Austin saaayys he does.....who am I kidding. He totally does!

What I think - and tell me if I sound crazy - is that we all need to be happy for each other. We all get jealous (again, guilty!) and we all make judgements (just assume, from here on out, that I'm talking about myself) but, in the words of the incredible film that is High School Musical, "We're all in this together." I mean, right? At one point or another, we've all worried about "making it" or being "as good as" someone else. Let's just not. We (the human population), as individuals, are in all sorts of different circumstances. We all have a different knowledge-base. Whether we gained our knowledge from experience or from a book. Our best at something might sometimes be someone else's worst. So, can we call a truce?

I wrote a little while ago about being truly happy and eliminating those people who (I feel) bring me down. I still feel that way. I've started hiding several people on Facebook, depending on my reaction (emotionally) when I see them pop up in my news feed. Like I said, I'm human.

For example: If you know me (or have read my blog in the past) you know it's a continuous trial for us to get pregnant. That doesn't mean I'm not happy for anyone who has that blessing. I don't know all the details of their life. So, if I don't want to be surprised with sonograms and pregnancy status updates, that's ok. There aren't any hard feelings.

My thoughts, going along with "we're all in this together" are that, when someone posts a status or picture of their wedding, new car, house, acceptance letter, boat, skis, baby, diploma, pinterest success, summer home, submarine, etc, he/she/they weren't thinking, "ha! I'm gonna make someone so green with jealousy!" They're excited! They should be! And I'm excited for them. But, considering the differences in our circumstances (our finances, medical condition, point in life, or even hobbies or interests) I should be allowed the time to sort through my emotions, gather my thoughts, and share my excitement when I'm ready! Right? -whether that be 30 seconds or a day or two, I want to be part of the excitement! What I don't want to do is overwhelm myself, causing mixed emotions, then misunderstandings, resulting in bad feelings. Has that happened before? yyeah. But, who's fault was it? No one's. Doesn't even matter.

Ohh, bless social media. Good stuff.

Emotions are SUCH a weird thing. It's so funny how, at times, we can't even recognize them in ourselves. When we were little, it was happy, sad, or mad. Now?! Oh, boy. I feel this-but not that! ahh! and kinda/sort that... OHH NO, not that! Oh. Well, this, too - at the same tiiime, I feel like this, this and THIS.... and that. 

So, we're all here on the same earth, living in the same world with the same emotions. Different trials, different blessings, which means different situations. So, I've been really trying to be more understanding. Like, really trying to look at others and what they're going through in a different light. There is no way for me to understand what the whole situation is... and even if I knew every detail, I could never know how they are handling it and the emotions they're dealing with - good or bad.

So, take it for what it's worth. But, take it with a grain of salt. That's my vague blog post.