The littles

Today, I'm especially grateful for my job. I work as a nanny for (mainly) two families in Heber. I've tended for other families in the past and still hold a special place in my heart for each of those kids. I'm so blessed to get to know and care for these children. They're really a blessing in my life and I really appreciate their parents letting me into their lives. I've grown in ways I didn't know I even could.

I used to worry about investing too much of myself into children outside my family or direct circle of friends. I wanted to save all my love for my own kids. As if I'd run out one day. Ever since Austin and I got married (well, since a lot earlier in life than that), I've wanted to be a young mama. I've mentioned that before. I planned to be a mom a lot sooner than now. I planned on us being parents and living that life. When it didn't happen, and continued to not happen, I turned elsewhere. 

I focused on the kids I knew. I gave all my love to my nieces and nephews. I really appreciate my siblings and their love for their family. I've learned so much from the example my family members have set. I love all the little ones in my family. I'm so blessed to have seen them grow and reach potential we could all see from early on. I'm not planning on going anywhere. I'm excited to continue being a part of their lives and watching them grow forever. 

When I realized I could never have a desk job (because I hated it so much), I considered going back to work as a waitress. I LOVED being a waitress (or server - whichever you prefer). The work I did was fun, I was moving, talking to a lot of different people, staying busy, staying happy, it was great! I just didn't love giving up my mealtimes and holidays. I didn't like being at work during the dinner rush and missing dinner with Austin (or just missing dinner, in general). I wasn't willing to give up my holidays again, either. So, that ruled out restaurant/hospitality/retail...

So, I figured I've give nannying a shot. I looked online and started a care.com profile. But, before I even got my name out, I had people asking - just from hearing by word of mouth. I started nannying part-time. I had two families to begin with. That grew to three families and MORE than full time. I'm talking 40 - 45 hours/week on average. Which was great... but, really tiring. 

Over the past few months, I've had to make a few changes and here I am. I love all the kids I've gotten to know. They've not only filled my heart, but they've made it grow! I've realized how I can never run out of room in my heart. I will never run out of energy to love. The thing I love most about children is how loving and selfless they are. They don't even know me in the beginning. How are they supposed to know I'll take care of them? For whatever reason, they do. They trust me and love me.

This world is not made for the little ones. This world is so big and harsh and confusing. It's a scary world. But, they face it head-on with eyes wide. They're really brave & their brave is really big. I'm so blessed to have their little eyes looking up at me. I'm blessed to have their little hands reach for me. I'm so blessed to have their little smiles beaming at me. I always learn more from them than they could learn from me. 

Today, I'm so grateful for the children. These kids help me grow. They're so welcoming and fun and curious. They want to help me with what I'm doing. They want to play with me and snuggle me. They want to show me what they've done and tell me what they know. They're making memories and they don't even realize it. 

If you think back to babysitters from your childhood and adults you remember, it's the people that paid real attention to you that you'll always remember. The adults that showed you love when you were so little. I remember the babysitters that helped me and taught me. How lucky am I to have that chance? I could be in their memories forever. This is my opportunity to help mold these little ones. Really, they started molding me on day one. 

What I've come to realize is that these children have saved me. I mean, I don't know that there ever came a time when I needed saving. But, because I've had love in my life, I'm lucky enough to never have gotten to that point. I've had highs and lows. We all have. These little ones have found a place in my heart and given me happiness I didn't know I needed. I've learned to love in different ways. I've really grown a lot.

It's still hard to me to wake up early in the morning and leave my own home. We have Doug, who we either leave home or take to daycare. Austin usually beats me home in the evening, even after his commute. But, the small sacrifices I make to be here can't compare to the return I get. & I mean more than just getting paid ;) Although, that is a nice bonus. 

I'm learning to be a mama. These kids have the greatest parents. I get to be in these wonderful homes full of love and support for one another. These parents work HARD. Their homes are beautiful. Their kids are incredible. I wish I had more to offer! But, I know whose example I'm going to follow. I know what I do and don't want to do when I have a house full of little feet running around. 

So, thank you to everyone who has been so helpful, friendly, supportive, and kind. I'll do my part to pass it along to all the littles I know. Then, one day, they'll grow up strong, confident, caring, and kind - just like they were taught to be.