I can do hard things

So, those of you that read my blog can tell me what you think... if you want. Either way.

We all have trials. And, though I'm often called dramatic, I like to think that's mostly in a playful, humorous way. I feel like I can take myself and my own trials seriously without whining about them. I try to be realistic. I still talk to Austin, my sisters, my mom, and a few friends about several things. But, I don't feel like I cry to them every time I stub my toe. Well, in that specific case, I might. Anyway, you get what I mean.

We've all heard the saying, "When it rains, it pours." Boy, does that seem true. I mean, life is good! I always want to remember how blessed I am. I don't ever want to complain or feel entitled. I know I'm blessed. But, some days are just hard. My mom always told me I can do hard things. She would talk me through my sobs, then she would say that, after I got through my trial, I would look back and say, "See? I can do hard things!" I would roll my eyes (which I now regret). She was right. Always was... and still is. But, it's hard to remember those positive things - even when you know they're true. It's especially hard when you feel like the only person going through that trial. I mean, you walk outside in the pouring rain, see everyone else is soaked, and you're not going to complain to them about your ruined hairdo. But, when you have a personal trial that no one else knows about, sometimes, you just have to suffer in silence.

I'm so grateful I have people I can talk to about my trials. My poor mom gets an earful everyday - and I'm just talking about me. I call her all the time. Like, multiple times each day. I also have two sisters living away from home, a brother who I know calls at least once a week, and my dad who deserves some time to talk to his wife - here and there, I mean... she does have her children's problems to solve! C'mon.

My sisters are always willing to let me vent, and I'm so grateful for that. I can just call, text, or email them and let it all out. They always have such good answers and advice. I appreciate that so much. I'm grateful for the relationship I have with all my siblings. None of us are the same. But, we can all relate to each other.

Austin, my dear husband, has put up with it all. The good. The bad... and everything else. I love him so much. He's so wise. I'm so grateful he can keep a level head when I obviously belong in a straight jacket. He lets me talk his ear off about anything in the world. He's definitely my rock. I know he'll always be there for me. I owe him so much - but who's keeping score, right?

We went to the doctor yesterday. I scheduled the appointment a couple weeks ago - just a regular check up. I actually scheduled it for last week but felt like I should just reschedule, so I did - for a week later. On Saturday, I woke up with the worst cramps in the world. I took some medicine and got ready anyway, since we had planned to finish our Christmas shopping in Park City. By the end of the day I realized I was having a second miscarriage. The rest of the weekend only confirmed that. It was pretty disappointing. What was more disappointing was the thought of this becoming a real, ongoing problem. I'm glad I rescheduled the appointment so I could talk to my doctor about it. He talked to me about what we're going to do now, some preventative measures, and things we may want to keep an eye out for. We work some things out that I hope will help. Just talking with him made me feel a lot better. 

I'm not writing about this for sympathy or anything. And, I don't want anyone who is (or will be) pregnant to think I'm mad or jealous or upset with them. No hard feelings - at all. I would rather be a little bit more open with it than keep it deep down inside and not let anyone know. But, like I said, I don't need any sympathy or apologies. Just support. It's just a bump in the road for now. There are so many things I don't understand. ?But, there are SO many things I have to be grateful for, so I'm going to try not to waste my time focusing solely on the things I can't have or change.

Life isn't always fair. But, I hope I can make life more enjoyable for myself and for the people around me. I don't ever want to make anyone unhappy or uncomfortable. I want to actually make the people around me feel better. Sometimes, there isn't even a reason you're having a bad day. Yeah, bad things do happen - but, other times, it's just "one of those days." To help with that, there are those people whose happiness just shines from them. One day, I want to become one of those people. Happy, helpful, optimistic, and understanding. Until I become that kind of person, I'll rely on the people I know who are just like that - all the people I mentioned before. 

I have a lot of great examples in my life. Examples of hard work, persistence, patience, having a good attitude, kindness, selflessness, generosity, acceptance, loyalty, honestly, and so many other things. Since I'm so far from being perfect (so far, it makes me sick), I'm glad I have so many other people to bring me up. 

Life is hard and totally unfair, but we'll get through it. That's why we have each other.