The one with the hunger

Hunger, you ask? Baby hunger. I'm (not literally) hungry for a baby. Let me explain. I'm not just dying to have a baby. I know it's probably just a phase (that is lasting too long) and I'll get over it. Everyone and their dog has done their part to talk me out of it. "Finish school." "Enjoy the pre-kid years." "Enjoy being a newly wed... just you and Austin." I know. I love Austin. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm home all day, every day (for now) and I get on Pinterest, look at pictures of babies and baby crafts and I'm making a baby blanket (or trying to) for my new niece on the way.

But, I look at my friends and family all having kids and I'm so jealous (in a self-decidedly healthy way). I'm so anxious to meet the little ones Austin and I will raise and welcome into our family. I go to church and I CANNOT BELIEVE how many girls' bellies just pop - every single week. What on earth is in their water?? Good news minute in RS: "Well.... We're pregnant!" "I announced to you all that I (made some major life decision) last week but instead - we're having a baby!!" Then you get all the fake smiles and ohhwwwhhh's and yaaayyyy's. Yeah, I don't want that. It'll just be so amazing to go through the entire process of having kids and witnessing first-hand the blessings that come. I know Austin and I will grow together and individually, in our own ways. I really look forward to starting a family. OH. I know it's hard work. You don't have to tell me twice. I get it. Well, I get it as much as I can without actually going through it. And I know right now is bad timing. Austin isn't even into the nursing program yet. I.. well, duh - don't have a job. I get it.

We've all (well, maybe not all of us) been through pregnancy scares or that epiphany where you stare into space, wondering what it would be like to have a baby. You start adding it up and thinking of everything. Where would you live? What would you have to buy? Who would be home? Would you find a nanny or sitter? What about hospital bills and insurance? The list goes on. That happened to me early this month and it's honestly what I've thought about - all day long. Every day. Would I be able to do this and that if I were pregnant? Or once I have a baby? It's consuming me.

Like I said. A phase?

Anyway, I honestly just had to get it out. If you want to comment and tell me what a terrible idea it is to get pregnant right now, go ahead. I'm sure I've heard it before. I'm definitely not saying we're going to start trying. Austin has more common sense than that. Myself, on the other hand... We'll just all keep our fingers crossed that Austin keeps me thinking clearly for the next however long until we're ready.